She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
