i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
