great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
