I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
