On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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