I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
