Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
