It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
