So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
