i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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