I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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