What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
