the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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