Porn is love you can see.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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