Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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