You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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