I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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