no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
honey bunches of taint.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
