at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
