I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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