Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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