hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
