WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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