Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
