You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
