it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
