First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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