She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
