i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
