I can tuck mytits in my pants
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
