remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
