Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
