I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
