Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
