Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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