I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think my vagina is haunted
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
