I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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