His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I want her autograph on my taint
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
