i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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