Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
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did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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