I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
