Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
whose parrot is this?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize