All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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