I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We have started to decorate penises.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
