I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
