I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
As shirtless as possible
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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