what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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