Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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