It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize