Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
pray to the hookup gods
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
