I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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