the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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