We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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