Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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