Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
