she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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