dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your cock deserves a montage
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
