My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
