he was CRYING into my vagina
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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