Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize