its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
