Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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