don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Manâ€™s Dating Profile
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"