dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.