you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.