i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.