GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.